


Epic Fic

by larryscape



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Comedy, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Humor, M/M, Non AU, Smut, WIP, actually like ..numerous aus, but if i tag all the au's that ruins the fun so i will risk getting less hits, thats the fun, yes its an au within a non au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 21:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1278862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryscape/pseuds/larryscape
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The boys of One Direction are finally performing at the White House ... or at least they're supposed to. Let's just say they sort of get distracted by a hidden portal that the government is hiding from the rest of the world, because fuck the man, really. And then they end up climbing into several different alternate universes that may or may not be very popular genres of fanfiction that they may or may not have read about themselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Louis' tha leedah

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S EPIC FIC DAWG!
> 
> Shout out to those of you who made these popular, slightly cringy au concepts a thing. 
> 
> I will give credit to any co-authors as soon as / if they decide to contribute. Otherwise, thank you to ally aka @flirtniall for giving me feedback on this first part!
> 
> twitter: @ctmytown  
> tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> As always, your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! Stay groovy :D

The White House was a lot bigger than the boys had ever imagined. Yes, it was _the_ White House: the home of Obama, the birthplace of America’s modern legislation, and the venue for the most noteworthy musical artists. But never in a million years would the members of One Direction have estimated the colossal size of the building towering before them. And today their busy schedule had finally reached a free space at the same time as the President and his family’s.  After a year or two of regretfully declining invitations, they were going to perform at the White House. _The_ White House.

“ _Shit_ ,” Niall exclaimed through a whisper as security ushered them through the front door. He earned a back-handed whack across the bicep from Liam, who glared at him with knitted eyebrows, but he continued to gaze up at the room in awe.

A checkered pattern of beige marble tiles made up the floor, and Louis made a show of waving at his reflection to show how sparkling clean it was. If any of the boys had the balls to speak at a normal volume, their voices would have probably echoed for a good ten minutes. But the pristine floors and the still red curtains - not to mention the showy chandelier hanging from the center of the ceiling - all indicated that this was a place for class, manners, and silence.

“You men will follow me this way, please,” instructed a hulking, greasy-haired man in a suit. He had in a black earpiece that connected to a walkie-talkie strapped into his pocket, along with what looked like it might be a gun. Needless to say, none of the boys hesitated to follow his orders.

The security guard led them down the hallway, saying nothing and leaving the area completely silent other than the echoing clomps of all their dress shoes.

Harry turned to Louis with a manic grin, opening his mouth wide to mime an enthusiastic _Ahhhh_. Though he couldn’t convey his excitement through words - or refused to in such a proper place - Louis knew how excited Harry was. They had been spewing exclamations of exhilaration back and forth all morning. Harry even spent the entire week looking up facts about the White House. “ _Did you know that George Washington never actually lived in the White House? Poor guy. No white teeth, no white house.”_ he would say.

They arrived at a mahogany set of double doors when the bulky man stopped and spun around to face the boys. “Here’s your dressing room,” he bellowed before crossing his arms and leaning in terrifyingly close the Zayn.

All the boys’ eyes widened except for Zayn’s himself. Instead, he just leaned back and tilted his head to the right.

“You’re Zayn, right?” the man asked with narrowed eyebrows, wrinkles stacking on his spacious forehead.

Zayn nodded, and Louis couldn’t help but take a dive into the file cabinet in his mind. _Fuck, what law did Zayn break now? There was that one time we got drunk on tour and drove down Pennsylvania Avenue belting out God save the queen, but was that really hurting anybody?_

The man cleared his throat. “You’re my favorite. Can I have your autograph?” he finished with a more high-pitched tone. He reached behind him and whipped out a crumpled up piece of paper and opened it up to reveal Zayn’s 2012 cover of _Fabulous_ _Magazine_.

“Oh, sick. Yeah, mate,” Zayn answered with a crescent-eyed smile before grabbing the paper. The man pulled a Sharpie from his breast pocket, and Zayn grabbed that too. He swirled his hand around, creating his intricate signature on the paper before handing it back with a sing-songy “There you go.”

The guard looked down at the paper with a toothy grin. “Nice. Alright boys, just head on in there and someone will be with you ten minutes before show time. There’s an intercom if you need anything.”

And then he was gone, leaving the boys alone with nothing but each other, a dressing room, and about seventy security cameras in the hallway.

Liam was the first to open the double doors. He pressed a hand on each one and pushed them open in a dramatic and simultaneous manner, revealing a wide-open ballroom with gold-accented wallpaper and a hardwood floor.

“How big of a boyband did they think we were?” Harry said as they all shuffled into the empty room.

“Probably thought we were a boy _gospel_ choir,” Zayn scoffed as he gazed up at the convoluted patterns carved into the wall framing. His entranced stare matched that of each of the boys as they slowly spun around to take in the room’s striking features.

“I’m going for it,” Niall declared, causing the rest of the guys to direct their attention towards the petite blonde. He curled his lip into a mischievous smirk before shifting his eyes among each of his bandmates.

It was only after he bolted towards the opposite end of the room that the others erupted in a chorus of things like _Niall, stop it_ and _This is how you hurt your knee, you bloody idiot_.

After releasing a single breathy giggle in response, Niall jumped up in the air with both hands raised above his head and sprung forward into a very enthusiast, very sloppy cartwheel.

“ _Tah-dah!_ ” he called from across the floor. He stood there panting with a goofy grin for a good five seconds. “Cross _that_ off the bucket list.”

“That was really bloody stupid,” Liam deadpanned with a straight face.

Louis snorted before lifting a finger to Liam’s nose. “Oh relax, daddy,” he said with a biting emphasis on the D’s in ‘daddy.’

“Yeah, _daddy,”_ Zayn contributed teasingly, causing Liam’s cheeks to fade to an embarrassing shade of pink.

" _Uhm, guys?_ " Niall hollered.

One by one, each of them snapped their gaze to their bandmate, who was knelt down beside the back corner of the room. “What’s up, Ni?” Zayn asked with a quirked eyebrow before hesitantly striding towards him.

“Come ‘ere. All of you,” he replied with an urgent wave of his hand. His eyebrows stood practically at the top of his head, his eyes forming two round spheres. “I think I’ve found something.”

Louis, Harry, and Liam joined Zayn in walking across the floor, exchanging looks of confusion and curiosity. Once they had all gathered around the ball of boy on the wooden floor, it became clear that a square of it had been sectioned off.

“I think it’s a trap door,” Niall offered through an incredulous chuckle. “D’ya see that?” he continued, pointing at a pair of golden hinges clasped to one side of the square.

“Open it,” Louis blurted. All eyes fell on him, the mischievous trouble-maker but also the leader of the group. Several seconds of silence passed before Louis shrugged questioningly. “What? Just open it,” he repeated as if he was instructing them how to breath.

“Yeah. Open it,” Harry echoed.

Without another second going by, Niall reached down onto the floor to try and dig his nails into the small crack. He caught his tongue between his teeth as he carefully dipped his two index fingers in and lifted the board upwards, revealing a centimeter-tall space between the end of the board and the rest of the floor. “Wait,” he said, pausing completely with his fingers beneath the wooden panel. “What if we get in trouble? I mean this is the White House, and we’re sort of performing in front of the most powerful man in the western hemisphere in a bit, so…”

“Niall, you’ve gone soft,” Louis snorted, arms crossed in front of his chest. He wore a condescending smirk that made Niall instantly melt into a pool of submission. Louis had that effect on people.

"Fine," he gave in. Liam and Harry looked around the room nervously while Zayn and Louis eyed the door Niall was prying open. Once he lifted it all the way up, the boys let out a series of murmurs and gasps.

A gust of cool air escaped the opening, where a set of concrete stairs led down to an eerily lit basement.

"We have to go check it out," Zayn said as if there were no other options. He earned an approving pat on the back from Louis and grinned back at the older boy.

"Yeah, let's go," Louis added, causing Harry to let out a noise of distress.

"Babe," he piped up with furrowed eyebrows, his mouth parted to reveal clenched teeth.

Louis tilted his head innocently. "What?"

"You know what," he replied with a sense of urgency. He let out a shaky exhale, allowing his face to relax until it settled into a droopy pout.

Louis raised his eyebrows and stepped towards him, challenging his personal space. Before he moved any closer, Louis released his lower lip and let it curl forward, thus executing his signature I-can-get-anything-I-want face.

But Harry was immune. He and Louis had been together for give or take three years, and although they had their ups and downs, they knew each other in and out. For example, Louis knew that Harry had a pressure point behind his ear that made him purr like a kitten, and Harry knew that Louis had a thing for sucking on hip bones.

Likewise, Harry was quite familiar with how Louis won arguments: the pout. _The_ Louis Tomlinson puppy dog eyes and lip curl. The weakness of any human being with a soul.

It wasn't that Harry was _weak_ or anything, but Louis had a way of looking like a masculine Greek god and a sweet, innocent angel simultaneously, and it really fucked with his judgement on a regular basis.

"Fine," he finally said with a huff. Louis' expression went from sad puppy to gleeful child in a millisecond, and he was now walking forward and stepping through the trapdoor.

Before Louis could reach the second step, Liam's arm was pressing against his chest. "Let's just - just remember that you're taking the fall if we get in trouble, okay Lou?" he admonished, his dark chocolate eyes searing into Louis'.

Barely allowing Louis to open his mouth to protest, Zayn stepped between the two of them, forcing Liam to retract his hand. "Babe, just relax, yeah?" he advised through a slightly amused grin, earning a dry laugh from the bigger of the two.

"I am relaxed," defended Liam, crossing his arms in front of his chest and smiling tightly. "I am rel- I'm just. Fine, let's go. I'm down, let's just go," he stammered, waving his hand in front of him before stepping towards the trap door.

Zayn snorted before leaning in towards Harry. "Someone needs to get fucked," he murmured into his friend's ear as Louis and Liam descended down the dusty stairs.

"Isn't that your job?" Harry answered back with a smirk.

"Shut up."

After Zayn nudged an elbow into Harry's ribcage, they both looked up to find Niall staring at them with a blank expression.

"Sometimes I wanna get fucked," he stated matter-of-factly.

Zayn and Harry tilted their heads in synchronization. "Niall, you're straight," Harry said.

"An you told me you didn't like fingering yourself," Zayn added with a raised eyebrow.

Niall shrugged before giving a troubled expression, all furrowed eyebrows and nose wrinkles. "Yeah, but... I don't know. Some things you just can't help but want even if you didn't like it the first time, you know?"

After exchanging a look with Harry, Zayn blinked at his blond friend and shook his head slowly. "Can't say I do, mate."

Niall exhaled roughly. "Well I bought this dil-"

" _Are you lads coming down, or have you decided to play a rousing game of quack a dilly omar?"_

Harry practically jumped forward. " _I'm coming, Louis_ ," he called down the stairs.

Zayn scoffed, shaking his head in amusement. "How many times a week do you say that to him?" he asked with a squinty-eyed smile.

As he started walking down the stairs, his steps echoing around in the open space below, Harry gave a haughty chuckle. "Hey, at least I _am_ cumming."

Niall frowned at Zayn and gave him a sympathetic pat on the back. "You and me both, my brother," he comforted before walking down the stairs.

Before Zayn could choke out a protest, Niall was gone, and he had no choice but to follow him with an indignant groan.

  


“So what do you think is down here?” Harry asked once they all were huddled in the cramped, dark room. Though it was cluttered with clunky machinery of dark and light metals, there was room to wander about.

Louis began to drift away from the pack, spinning around slowly to take in the semi-spooky scenery. “I dunno,” he replied, making his way towards the back corner of the room. “But there’s gotta be something in here they don’t want people to find. Why else would it be under a trapdoor?”

“Hmmm,” Niall offered before breaking away from the three remaining members. “Maybe it’s Obama’s hidden supply of porn,” he suggested thoughtfully.

Harry spun around to face his Irish friend, his mouth twisted and his eyebrows lowered. “What kind do you think it would be?” he questioned seriously, earning a snort from Zayn and an _Oh god_ from Liam.

By now, Louis was virtually invisible, his petite body hidden by stacks of metal boxes and unorganized papers. “ _He’s the president_ ,” he hollered from across the room. “ _He can get whatever porn he wants. Hell, he could get a live production set up in the Oval Office with actual good lighting and… special effects and - ...what the_ … _uhm, lads?_ ”

From where the rest of the boys were scattered throughout one side of the room, they could only see small tufts of Louis’ hair poke out from behind the clutter. But once Louis called them over, indicating that he might have found some trillion dollar national secret, they all scampered over to get a better look.  

“Another door?” Zayn said in a halfway irritated slur. “Really?”

Liam raised his arm and lightly patted the dusty, metal door. “Must be a pretty big secret,” he said, giving it a steady once over.

Louis glared at the door as if the hatred in his eyes could melt it open. His right eye twitched once, and then he was charging forward. He banged his shoulder up against it, releasing an aggravated grunt before repeating the action three more times.

“ _Louis, you idiot_ ,” Zayn yelled amidst the echoing thuds. “Just try a fucking code, yeah?” he suggested while violently gesturing to the number pad mounted on the wall.

Louis leaned up against the door, his palms pressed firmly against it as he heaved dramatically.

“Louis.”

“ _You try a code, Malik_ ,” he snapped in complete falsetto. " _You try a code."_

Zayn blinked. "Okay." He then proceeded to punch in a series of numbers, creating loud beeping noises that accompanied Louis' panting.

He pressed the 'enter' button, and the boys waited several beats before a beeping scale played. Soon after, the door opened with a roar.

Louis fell forward into the doorway, landing with a clunk on the cold cement.

"What the hell did you punch in?" Niall gasped, turning to Zayn with a hand caught in his hair.

Zayn shrugged. "My birthday."

Stepping over Louis' small, balled-up body, Zayn entered the newly opened room. After exchanging a few looks, the remaining three followed, and soon they were all faced with a large object covered by a black tarp.

Louis stood up and brushed his hands over his thighs with a huff. "Well done, Zayn," he exclaimed before looking up. He saw the towering object and froze for a moment before gliding toward it in a trance. The rest of the boys looked on as Louis traced his hand over the wrinkles of the slippery material.

"Careful, babe," Harry said tentatively as if it could tip over and squash his boyfriend in an instant.

Louis scoffed. He didn't need to be looked out for, especially by someone who hand picked daisies for their centerpiece last weekend.

Without another second going by, Louis ripped the tarp from the object in one gliding sweep, revealing a giant metal circle.

"The fuck is that?" Zayn tilted his head to the left and squinted his eyes.

"Magic portal. Gotta be," Liam offered in a staccato tone.

Niall spit out a breath through his teeth. "Nah, it's one of those power-draining torture devices... like in the Incredibles."

"It's got a lever." All the boys turned to Harry, who stood with his arms crossed at the end of the line. "Just pull the lever, and we can find out then."

After motionlessly gazing at Harry for a moment, Louis nodded slowly and turned to find the lever jutting out from the circle. "Yeah. Yeah, let's pull the lever," he said before licking his lips.

Harry snickered as he stepped forward to stand next to Louis. "What, are you scared or something?" he asked through a smirk.

Louis looked back at him in disgust. " _No?_ " he answered, sounding a bit too defensive. " _You're_ scared, Harry... Scaredy Harry... _hah_."

Zayn leaned into Liam. "I think he's been underground for a bit too long," he whispered.

"I _heard_ that," Louis hissed before clutching the red-painted lever with both hands. "And I'm gonna pull this damn lever, okay?"

Eyes widened and jaw clenched, Louis eyed each boy individually before looking down at the lever.

  


After twenty seconds passed, Harry placed his hand over Louis' and pulled the lever in one abrupt motion.

"God _dammit,_ Harry. Why do you always have to undermine me? I was gonna pull the fucking lever, but you just _had_ to go and -"

"Lou," Zayn interrupted, causing Louis to angrily snap his gaze toward him. Without another word, he raised a finger and pointed at the machine.

Louis whirled around again and was immediately faced with multicolored bulbs illuminating around the machine's circumference. Within the circle swirled blue and green patterns of blobs and lines. The combination of glowing color reflected on the boys' astonished faces amidst the dark, windowless room.

Zayn, Liam, and Niall made their way toward Louis and Harry so that they all stood next to the colorful opening.

"Magic portal." They turned to Liam, who was wearing a haughty smirk. "Knew it."


	2. Keep the Sparkles in your Pants

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry and Louis meet their first doppelgangers, except one of them is very veeerry different from the original copy. It's kind of creepy at first, but cuteness conquers all in the end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S FAIRY LOUIS DAWG!
> 
> shoutout to @fairy_louis for making his firs accurately-portrayed fanfiction debut, to me (@ctmytown) for creating fairy louis in the first place, and to alexa (@louistthebrave): this one is for us, buddy.
> 
> twitter: @ctmytown  
> tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> ask: ask.fm/larryscape

"So are we gonna just stand here, or are we gonna go through?" Zayn asked calmly. The mix of color seemed to be hypnotizing the other boys, who were standing motionless with their mouths hanging open.

Liam shook his head abruptly to snap out of his trance. "I don't know, Zayn. Doesn't seem safe to me."

Louis blinked twice before turning to scowl at his muscular friend. "How could you say that?" he hissed.

Liam jolted backward. "I'm just _trying_ not to get us killed, that's all," he argued, earning a dramatic eye roll from the older but shorter of the two.

"I'm sick of you trying to fucking _father_ me, Liam."

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have to if you weren't such a baby."

"I'm just making your life more exciting. You should be _thanking_ me."

Before Liam could make another comeback, Niall plunged forward and planted a hand on each of the boys' shoulders and shoved them into the portal.

" _Shit, oh god - I'm gonna fucking kiiiiiiiiill yoooooooou_ ," Liam yelled as both his and Louis' bodies went flying into an unknown oblivion.

Niall cackled in response before wiping his hands against each other in satisfaction.

He turned around to face Zayn and Harry, who were staring at him with wide eyes.

"What," he said, his laughter gradually easing into audible panting.

After clearing his throat, Zayn took two steps forward before placing one hand on Niall's shoulder and another on his hip.

"Wait, what are you... Wait, _Zayn_ ," Niall squawked as Zayn shifted all his weight forward and pushed his bandmate through the portal.

Harry made a show of taking a graceful lunge backwards.

Turning around to face Harry, who was nervously whistling to himself, Zayn gave a deep sigh. "Our boyfriends need to stop fighting," he stated, eyeing the ceiling pensively.

Harry scoffed. "You _wish_ Liam was your boyfriend," he corrected, earning a noise of protest from his quiffed friend. "Besides, that's just the way they show love."

Zayn raised his palm. "Liam is _pretty_ much my boyfriend, alright?" he huffed, hoping Harry would ignore the obvious crack in his voice. "We just don't use labels, because we are mature adults who are smart enough not to get into a relationship that we would inevitably have to hide... or does that not sound familiar to you?"

Harry shoved Zayn into the portal.

After a brief moment of laughing to himself and sighing contently, Harry decided he should jump through as well. But without someone to push him through against his will, the actually jumping part was a bit difficult to execute.

"Alright, let's just do it," Harry said to himself, bouncing up on his toes and shaking his arms out in front of him. "Just a portal. Just a portal," he chanted under his breath. "Just a portal that could dissolve my body into its infinite number of molecules and zap them into outer space."

Okay, he was ready...

...after fifty more seconds.

He bent at the knees, swung his arms back, and then propelled his weight forward, flinging his lanky body into the spiraling opening.

It was a weightless feeling of zero control. His body spun around and around, his limbs unable to remain still much like the fluttering sensation in his stomach. The neon green and blue swirled around him for a period of three or four seconds before he harshly plopped onto a hard floor.

The impact forced him to close his eyes, but once he blinked them open, he was looking in a mirror.

He blinked a few times more, but his reflection didn't blink back. It was also wearing different clothes and had glitter on its nose.

"What the hell?" Harry's expression of confusion matched that of the lookalike in front of him, but it was obvious that they were two completely different people. "Who are you?"

The lookalike, who was crouched down in front of him, offered his hand and hoisted up his newly-arrived twin. "I'm Harry," he said as if it were a question. "Who're you?"

Harry dragged his sweaty palms down his black skinny jeans and tugged at the hem of his blazer. "I'm uh... I'm Harry also."

The clone nodded slowly, his green eyes unwavering against Harry's. "Hello... Harry also," he greeted before laughing silently at his own joke.

Yup, it was definitely Harry alright.

First to break the constant eye contact, the original Harry peered around the room they stood in. It was a small living room with a normal leather couch, a normal television set, and a normal red area rug. The only thing that struck him was the baby blue dollhouse sitting by the windowsill.

Was this an alternate universe in which Harry played with dolls? Because that wouldn't be much of an alteration if he was being completely honest.

"Uhm, where are my friends?" he asked hesitantly, his eyes still on the dollhouse.

The doppelgänger cleared his throat before turning to point at a doorway behind him. "They're in there with Louis," he said, voice still shaky from the initial shock of his new guests.

Harry stepped toward the doorway before stopping dead in his tracks. "Wait, withLouis?"

The boy nodded.

"Is there another Louis too?" he questioned with a hand raised to his head. His voice sounded strained as he tried to gain a better understanding of what the fuck was going on.

"Yeah, well..." his lookalike began with a crackly tone. "They're pretty different."

Harry shrugged before continuing on to the next room over, his other self following close behind. "I mean _we're_ pretty different too, like... your hair is kind of shaggier, and you aren't dressed to meet the President, so -"

"No, like... he's _really_ different," he clarified.

Harry was about to shrug him off before he got a glimpse of what was going on in this room, and he instantly skidded to a sudden stop, causing his twin self to fall clumsily into his back.

"What in God's name..." Harry began, unable to finish out of sheer astoundment.

" _Hey, it's Harry_ ," Niall hollered before waving him over excitedly. He stood there along with the rest of the boys, all of them huddled over something tiny and sparkly.

"No," Harry whispered, gliding over to the center of all the boys' attention. He looked down and nearly cried, screamed, and laughed all at once, because there, in the palm of Liam's cupped hands, sat a miniature Louis Tomlinson with blue wings and glitter speckling his entire body.

"Hiya, Harry," it squeaked.

" _Holy fucking shit no... nope, that is just too damn much,"_ Harry cried after jumping back into his lookalike's arms. " _No._ "

"Babe... _babe, relax!_ " normal-sized Louis yelled amidst his boyfriend's freakout, grabbing his forearm and rubbing it soothingly. "You're being rude," he said, using his other hand to gesture towards to pouting fairy sat criss-cross applesauce in Liam's hands.

The fairy extended his tiny hands out towards Harry, who stood probably seventy feet away from him in fairy measurements. "I'm so sorry if I scared you," he peeped, earning a synchronized _awww_ from the rest of the boys.

"Gah, look how _cute_ I am as a fairy," Louis cooed, turning away from Harry and using his finger to pat the fairy's head gently.

Fairy Louis nuzzled into his human self's touch before freezing with a disgruntled noise. "Wait, I'm not cute," he whined as he crossed his arms in front of his stomach. "I'm manly."

Liam snorted out a breathy giggle. "Aw, it _is_ you, Lou," he said, earning a punch in the arm from the boy beside him.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Harry piped up between deep, shaky breaths. He strode forward and lowered himself to Fairy Louis' level. "I apologize for reacting the way I did. It was rude, and I should have been nicer." He tried his best to add a tooth-bearing grin, because that is how his mum raised him.

Fairy Louis grinned bashfully in response and tilted his head to the side. "Now you sound more like the Harry I know," he said, more sparkles seeming to appear on his skin.

Louis twisted his mouth into a disapproving glare. "Did you just...sparkle?" he asked, his voice going up in falsetto. "Did you just sparkle at my _boyfriend?"_ he demanded before crossing his arms. He directed his eyes like lasers at the cowering fairy beneath him.

" _No_ no, of course not. We're pals! I would never sparkle at your Harry... honest!" he squeaked through the shakiness in his voice.

Louis' scowl softened by one notch.

"We are pals, aren't we?" the fairy peeped before blinking twice and then - _oh no he didn't._

Fairy Louis looked up at Louis in slow motion. He blinked once more at a sluggish pace before curling his lower lip forward and furrowing his eyebrows, and _fuck_ that was cute.

Louis' exhausting effort not to melt into a pool of feelings was interrupted by a sharp sniffle.

"Liam, stop crying," he ordered curtly.

Now Fairy Louis was flying (Of course he was flying; this was all completely normal).

"I'm sorry I upset you, Louis," the fluttering creature sang before hovering up against Louis' cheek. Louis made a move to lift his hand and swat him away, but before he could, Fairy Louis planted a tiny kiss on the surface of his cheek.

Liam was full-on sobbing now.

"Aw, fairy kisses," Niall cooed melodiously.  

Louis rolled his eyes. "It's all good, little dude," he droned before holding out his hand and collecting his fairy-self in his palm. "Just keep the sparkles in your pants, yeah?"

Fairy Louis giggled (like... the textbook definition of a giggle). "You're funny, Louis," he trilled, looking up at his clone-giant in admiration.

"Ah, I know," Louis sighed, eyeing the ceiling and clutching his heart dramatically.

Harry cleared his throat, and all six pairs of eyes shifted onto him.

"Erm, so we should be getting back," he suggested, arms joined behind his back and toes pointed inward. "We kind of have an important gig like... now."

Liam wiped his face with the sleeve of his navy blazer. “He’s right,” he agreed with one last sniffle. “We should be getting back to that portal.”

“Yeah. Can’t keep the President waiting I s’pose,” Niall added with a shrug and a grin. All the boys began to move, shuffling about in preparation to say their goodbyes.

“We’ll walk you out,” the other Harry offered, gesturing to the doorway. The boys, along with Fairy Louis, who sat still in Louis’ palm, migrated toward the living room.

“It was really nice meeting you,” Fairy Louis chirped, taking the time to swivel his gaze around to each of the band members. “Good luck with your gig!”

After they all broke out in a discordant chorus of goodbyes, Zayn interrupted them with a “Wait wait, _lads_.”

Everyone fell silent and waited for Zayn to speak up.

“The portal’s gone,” he stated, waving a hand to the blank, cream-colored wall.

With a hand raised to his long, brown hair, Louis let out a casual "Well, shit."

Fairy Louis gasped.

"Sorry - Uhm, I mean shoot."

Liam raised his hands before dropping them down at his sides. "Well, now what do we do?"

Both Harrys began tapping their foot, Zayn started scratching his beard, and Niall began humming the tune from Jeopardy.

It was only when Niall changed keys that someone came up with an idea.

"I know!" Fairy Louis exclaimed, raising his pea-sized hand like an eager kindergartener. "H and I have this bowl thingy with a lever that makes it all swirly when you push it. Maybe that's the same thing as your portal!"

Before anyone got too excited, lookalike Harry pressed two fingers to his tiny boyfriend's shoulder. "Baby, that's the toilet," he explained with furrowed eyebrows.

Fairy Louis blinked.

"....... _Oooh_."

"Well, we can't stay here forever," said Zayn, who had begun to wander around the living room, scanning over each object in the room.

Liam squinted at him. "What are you doing?" he questioned, a hint of concern in his voice.

" _Ooh, be careful with that mug,_ " Fairy Louis squeaked urgently. Zayn froze with the white, porcelain mug clutched in one hand and turned to face the small fairy. "I sleep in there sometimes," he finished with his tiny hands over his mouth.

Zayn put the mug down.

He continued to stride across the floor, one hand rubbing his chin and the other nervously tugging at his coat. "There has to be another portal," he said, stopping at the foot of the couch. In one swift, aggressive motion, he began yanking cushions from it one by one. "They wouldn't just leave us here, yeah?" he cried through his heavy breathing. "Even the _man_ isn't that cruel."

Niall nodded slowly. "Word."

"Wait. Zayn." Harry walked toward the opposite end of the room, where a fire place took up about a third of the wall. He signaled Zayn over with his finger, and the dark-haired boy dropped the cushion he had grasped in his hand. He joined Harry by the fire place, and they both hunched forward to get a better look.

"Oh my god, there we go," Zayn gasped through an incredulous chuckle. " _Lads, c'mere!_ "

Before their eyes, spiraling around in the fireplace, were blue and green circles and lines, perfectly mimicking the portal from the White House basement.

"Did you find it?" Niall asked, hustling over to join Harry and Zayn. Once he reached them, he bent over and gasped into the swirl of color. "Oh, that's incredible!"

The rest of them eventually made their way over as well, all oohing and aahing at the wondrous sight once they got there.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye for real this time," Liam said as he stared into the portal.

"Are you gonna cry again?" Louis asked seriously, to which Liam responded by twisting his friend's nipple. " _Oi."_

Harry turned from the fireplace to face his other self and his other self's fairy boyfriend (That whole thing... still not weird at all). His mouth twitched into a half smile, and he gave them a meek, little wave. "So uhm... thanks for the hospitality," he said softly.

The two of them grinned back at him, and the (way) smaller of the two flew up to peck him on the nose. "You're welcome," he sang before going on to kiss the rest of the boys as well. "Come back any time, okay?"

"Okay," they all responded in sloppy unison. Each of them gave one final wave goodbye before they all - like teletubbies going teletubby bye-bye - jumped through the portal one by one.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter: @ctmytown  
> tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> ask: ask.fm/larryscape
> 
> Stay tuned for a bunch of different au's, some written by new people who i trust and love.
> 
> As always, you comments & kudos are greatly appreciated.
> 
> (shoutout to the angry narry shippers in the comments!)
> 
> Stay groovy :D

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: @ctmytown  
> tumblr: larryscape.tumblr.com  
> ask: ask.fm/larryscape 
> 
> KUDOS & COMMENTS PLEASE AND THANK YOU! ALSO SPREAD THE LINK VIA TWITTER AND TUMBLR IF YOU ENJOY THIS :D


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